reality bite... love stinks...

everyone seems to have love problems; it's a unique emotion. one of the only words i can think of that can be a noun, adjective, and verb at the same time. when defining love, one can use a variety of words, descriptions, and usages for a simple four lettered word that had lost its value in the american society. yes, you read that correctly- love has lost its sucker-punch impact that it use to have many years ago. yeah, sure- the first time your boyfriend says he loves you, it will take your breath away- but what does it mean to "love" someone?

americans have lost touch with the reality that is "love." we throw out words like "intimacy," "passion" and "crushing" without even realizing what they mean. if you are intimate with someone, it's not talking about sleeping with them. being intimate is pulling back each layer of you, until you're at the meaty flesh of your essence- exposing the real you in front of someone else. your every thought, dream, hope, fear, wish, memory--- good or bad, and praying like hell the other person doesn't run away screaming from the monster YOU think YOU are... that's intimacy. we've lost touch...

whatever happened to love letters? have they been replaced by technology? do we send love texts? let me tell you- sexting is RUINING love as we know it. when you sext, you're losing intimacy... intimacy is the key to a healthy, vital, successful relationship... every time you "sext" you're sending a piece of yourself, without an emotional attachment. yeah, it works out great during your twenties, when you're young and stupid; but after a while, you realize you've had nothing but countless hookups, and nothing to show for it, except a burning sensation when you pee.

we need to return to the emotional connection of "old school love"- i'm talking even older than our parents and grandparents. Beethoven once wrote a love letter to someone who he refered to as "his immortal beloved." wow. i think that beats the hell out of saying "my girlfriend." i'm not saying that we should return completely to the dark days or quit using technology, i'm simplying saying that we need to return to a time when the four letters that spell out l-o-v-e actually meant something.

my biggest problem with love in the modern world is how we seek to find it. we have a slue of reality tv shows that are simply crap, and creating a false sense of what it means to search for love. i didn't realize my hatred for these shows, until i read an article by a young woman who is doing an internship in jacksonville, florida. i have to admit, i love watching trashy reality tv shows- it's a guilty pleasure of mine, but i don't model my life around them. shows like "the bachelorette" are giving women false hopes. you do realize, reality isn't having 25 men compete to have you on his arm like a trophy, right? shows like "tough love" are a little bit better, but people shouldn't have to change themselves JUST to be in a relationship. finding someone is the easy part-- it's keeping it all together once you've found each other- that's the hard part.

here's my advice when it comes to finding love. it's quite simple, and hopefully it will help you out. you must complete each step in the order i give them to you...

step ONE: ask yourself a series of questions.
1. are you happy with who you are? - if you're not happy with you, by yourself, you're not going to happy with someone by your side. you need to discover what will make you happy, in your own skin- accomplish what needs to be done, make the necessary adjustments for YOU, and watching your confidence boost itself ten fold. you do NOT need a partner to make you happy! a partner should be a supplement to your happiness, NOT BE your happiness.

2. what are you looking for- love or a hook-up? - are you under 23? are you male? sorry- not dissing you fellas, but men who are under 23 tend to be looking for hook-ups and not LOVE. if you're looking for love, be looking for LOVE. do not meet girls at bars/clubs. women go to bars to meet men to buy them drinks and hook up with. yeah, sure, they might be fun- but are you going to put a ring on it? NO!

3. are you mature enough to have a relationship? are you looking for a catch and release? do you still eat paste/rubber cement? you need to be mature enough to be an adult. a relationship is for adults only- you need to have the maturity of one.

Step TWO: it's time to go shopping!
what happens when you go grocery shopping without a list of things you need? you spend way too much time in the grocery store, you spend too much money, you buy things you don't want or need, and if you're hungry, you buy everything that looks good. dating is just like grocery shopping. if you're ready to find someone with a meaningful emotional connection, you need to know what you want/need in a partner. my advice- make a list. a top ten list. think of it as your "shopping list"... numbers 1-5 need to be deal breakers- if they don't have this/do this- game over. 6-10--- uhhhhhh, we can work on it... this way, you don't spend too much time looking for the wrong people, too much money dating the wrong people, going after everything that looks appealing, or waste your time on people just like you've dated before... see- sounds a lot more like shopping than dating, right? another word of advice- don't set your top 10 too high- you don't want to be too picky. and like i said, only have 1-5 be deal breakers!

Step THREE: be confident/put yourself out there.
you are confident. someone is out there for you. you will find them. a wise woman once said "you gotta kiss a whole lot of frogs till you find your Prince"-- be patient. put yourself out there. join a club. the more people you meet, the more potiental you have. and you must be the one to put yourself out there. you're not in middle school- don't have your best friend go up to someone for you. no matter if you're looking for a man or woman- confidence is sexy. you have a lot to provide to someone, and you'll find someone to fit your style of a realtionship and personality. what works for one person will be different than what works for you... you're an individual- not a cookie cutter shape of someone else. be true to yourself.

Step FOUR: alright, now what?
you are confident, just go for it. DO NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH... just ask for the date! a first date should be durning the week (less pressure than during the weekend) and you need something that would allow you to talk and get to know each other. DO NOT CHOOSE A MOVIE! Dinner, coffee, a walk through the park, volunteer at a soup kitchen (that would be such a cute first date to me), a visit to a museum- they all envoke conversation to allow you to get to know one another. fellas- DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF. She's already said YES to the date- the hard part is over... *DO NOT GIVE FLOWERS FOR THE FIRST DATE*

Step FIVE: when is too soon?
if you want a meaningful realtionship- not just a hook up- DO NOT SLEEP TOGETHER ON THE FIRST DATE. i would even wait at least until date two or three to kiss. if you kiss on the first date, it might send the wrong impression. it also sends up a red flag that you are just like every other young man/woman in the world, and doesn't mind swapping spit. break the mold! prove that you'd rather have that "old school love" i was refering to earlier... a good rule of thumb- wait atleast 6 months till you do the deed- and then again, if you're not ready- DON'T!

we need to go back to the days of intimate relationships NOT just simple relations... keep your genes in your jeans, until you're sure this is a person you want to have an extreme emotional connection with. you might think it's old fashioned, but that's what we need!

ok. i think that does it for now. i'm working on another blog already-- i forgot how much i liked this... best of luck. ;)

till next time,

eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.