how to: nyr style

is this your year? notice i said "is" not "was"...

as 2010 comes to a close (THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS)- i encourage you to spend the next week reflecting on the good and bad of the last 365 days (note the previous blog on my reflection process). now, if you're in the same boat as i am, you're willing to forgive AND forget with the upcoming year- starting with a BLANK slate. i'm one who gives out second changes about as often a full lunar eclipse on the winter solstice (there have been few exceptions to this rule- and you know who you are.) But guess what- starting at 12:01am on january 1, 2011- you get a second chance. a COMPLETE full chance. you are starting with blank slates in my book- wiped clean. you can interpret this as a beneficial or detrimental event as you so choose.

now- many stress over this time of year. it's the beginning of a new year, and you're suppose to change things, right? well. no. change should promptly come when it's needed. don't fix it if it ain't broken. so, my question to you- are you broken? or is your life perfect?

if you are like most of my dear friends, you wouldn't consider yourself broken, but you're life isn't perfect. a few changes typically are needed to be made. here a few steps in helping you make those changes.

1- DON'T KILL YOURSELF. sounds normal right- but new years resolutions are stressful and successfully completing one takes quite a bit of energy and willpower- why would you ever overload yourself with more than THREE. prioritize with what's the most important to you-- gaining love, losing weight, reinventing yourself, obtaining a new job, quitting smoking/dropping a bad habit, and improving a current relationship all at the same time would KILL you.

2- DON'T HOLD IT IN... here's the thing- most of us are afraid to admit our imperfections and flaws. so naturally, when it comes time to improve them, we keep these dirty little secrets to ourselves. society somehow makes us think we should keep these secret desires of change to ourselves- partially because if we fail to commit to the change- the only one who will know is you. society has told you WRONG. the more people who know, the more support you will have. there's no harm is asking for help or reaching out if you need help, and any TRUE friend would be there to support you. don't believe me? confide in me. i'll help you as long as you have the desire to help yourself first. build your support system and your can accomplish much more than what you can by yourself.

3- DON'T BITE OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW- "i'm going to lose 150 pounds in 3 months!" yeah- and end up dead or failing. i'm a big advocate for shooting for the moon, but the most successful changes come in a small increments. aim relatively low with your goals. set achievable goals that aren't out of reach. ten to fifteen pounds make a world of difference and can easily be completed by april (with dedication, willpower, and strength from a strong support system!) if you decide that you're wanting to do an entire makeover on yourself- contact me, we will talk! (i'm currently going through this process- let's share stories!)

4- DO WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN- you are more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down and place them somewhere you can see them everyday. get creative. :)

5- DO REWARD/DON'T PUNISH- when you make small steps towards your goal, make sure you take the time to celebrate! i'm not saying for every five pounds you lose, go and eat 30 pounds of chocolate cake, but make sure you emotionally and physically reward yourself. a little Pavlovian conditioning goes a long way.

and with that- i wish you the best of luck. good luck making the changes that you feel necessary. let me know if you need any help.

till next time,

eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.

there's a fine line between love and hate.

here we go again. 2010.

what a year. it's amazing how a year can change someone. making you stronger, faster, wittier, smarter or the exact opposite. a year of memories, firsts, and new beginnings with some repeat offenders.

there's a fine line between hate and love for this year. i hate who i've become- but love the direction i'm going in. i hate the mistakes we all made, but love the fact we've learned from them (hopefully.) i hate the fact that i'm addicted to facebook- but i love the fact that someone cares enough to text/call/or im me when i seem down. i hate the fact that i've let my grades slip- but i love my new major. i hate the fact that i've met someone who has changed my life by being completely honest and picking out my flaws- and i hate the fact that i hurt him- but love him for being honest. i hate the fact that i fell in love with my best friend- but i love the fact that i now realize, we are perfect as best friends- and wouldn't want to change that at all. (those are two separate people--- yeah, i know) i hate the fact that i'm dramatic- and over-react- and over-analyze. i hate the fact that i haven't been living for me and constantly putting others first. i hate that i feel like i can't talk to you because i feel like you don't want to be around me- but yet, i love our time together. i hate the fact that i walked out of that housing office today without tears coming down my face- leaving something that i once loved more than most.

so as you can see- 2010 has been a lot of hate, and a little bit of love. i think i've finally got this whole 'me' thing down- doesn't mean i like it- but i have a stronger understanding of it. and i'm cool with that. i have amazing friends (some quite unexpected), a very loving family (i couldn't ask for a better mom), and am ready to embrace the changes that need to be made. i'm changing all the hate. i'm changing all the regrets. i'm changing all the things i don't like FOR ME.

yes- in case you've been living under a rock, or blocked me from your mini-feed from facebook (which i totally don't blame you for- jeeze, i am so annoying on there), or just don't pay me any attention, i'm having surgery next year. i'm having the lap-band surgery. my final surgery consultation is january 7, and hopefully, surgery will be in early february. HUGE change number 1- healthy lifestyle.

change comes with a lot of excitement, and yet, it's ushered in with no short of consequences. relationships could be broken- but honestly, its for the better. relationships could be forged, and we just pray it's for the better. my social life will have to decrease- goodbye thursday at flipside and parties at the alpha sig house- my grades are a top priority; i'm not going to get into grad school on a 'c- honor roll.' i've made quite a few mistakes this past year- i just pray i'm smart enough not to make them again. it's time to quit dreaming, wake up, and grow up.

2011 looks promising. i pray, in 365 days, i'm blogging about how amazing my life is. that i've made the best decisions, and i've found where i'm suppose to be. gone are the days of over-analyzing and worrying, and being dramatic about everything. i need to learn to own the night- like the fourth of july. let me let you in on a little secret, that i have never told anyone before--- baby, i'm a firework- i'm one of the most amazing people you will ever met- and i'm not afraid to tell you that to your face anymore. i'm going to change the world. 2011 is going to be my year- the year of MATT. so many changes- so many self explorations, so many new experiences... lets do this. you're either going to stand beside me, cheering me on, or you're going to get left behind. i'm going to love me for once.

till next time,

eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.

one year ago today...

one year ago today-
i was in spartanburg, south carolina.
it was the saturday of fall break, and i was cheering at the appstate-wofford game.

one year ago today-
after returning from the game, i fell asleep on my couch in g1 of winkler hall.
i was watching the notebook.

one year ago today-
someone thought it would be a great idea to give an 18 year old a lot of alcohol.
that same 18 year old thought it would alright to drive a car.

that means-


one year ago from tomorrow-
that 18 year old killed one of my best friends.
God called Charlie home.

one year ago from tomorrow-
my whole world got flipped upside down.
the world lost the best hugs anyone could give.


it's amazing how things can change in 365 days. who knows who will be here tomorrow, next week, next month, next year... its been over a year since i've seen Charlie- and over a year since i've heard her laugh, or felt her embrace, or seen her smile.

the last time we saw each other- we went to cookout. we both had to stay late for break. it was just us and i remember our conversation like it was yesterday. we talked about the fraternity, my love life (or lack there of), and an issue she was having with someone else. she ordered, as she always did, a cherry-cheesecake milkshake, with extra cheesecake. after ordering, she told the drive-thru worker, "Yes, I know you have to charge me for extra cheesecake, that's perfectly fine" but yet they still said right after her, "Ma'am, thats an extra charge for extra cheesecake, is that ok?" she said yes- we got our food- and left.
we went back to her apartment, right next door to mine, and ate on her bed- the most comfortable place on the planet. in Charlie's bed, everything melted away- it was peace, it was comfort, it was pure bliss. she complained for half an hour about how they only put extra graham crackers in her milkshake and not cheesecake- until she'd hit a huge bite of cheesecake and say "oh, yeah- that was cheesecake... ummmmmm"

who would have known that hug when i left would be my last "Charlie Hug"? those who knew Charlie, know what a "Charlie Hug" is... the best hug you've ever had in your life. she valued hugs more than anything on this planet.

i guess what i'm trying to say here is- please- please- please--never take your friends for granted. you don't know if they will be here tomorrow. if you love them- tell them now. let your friends and loved ones know how you feel. i don't care if you are the manliest man of all the machos- still be able to say 'i love you' to your friends. what would you do if something happened to them? i would give up my right leg to see Charlie again and tell her how much i loved her.

please-please-please-please do not drink and drive. college students think that its alright to drink and drive- BUT ITS NOT. i would give anything to make sure no person ever feels the way i do now or the way i did when if found out i lost one of my best friends. my whole world flipped upside down. i didn't care about myself, my schoolwork, my job, my duties--- i was not in a good place. i was free falling down a slope- and no one could catch me.

bottom line is- if you drink and drive, you could harm yourself, someones sister, someones brother, someones mom or dad, a niece or nephew, or an aunt whose nephew will never have the chance to remember what an amazing young woman she was. don't be selfish. don't cause others pain- please, i beg of you.

it hurts. to know i'll never see her again.
i wouldn't ever wish this feeling on anyone.

reality bite... love stinks...

everyone seems to have love problems; it's a unique emotion. one of the only words i can think of that can be a noun, adjective, and verb at the same time. when defining love, one can use a variety of words, descriptions, and usages for a simple four lettered word that had lost its value in the american society. yes, you read that correctly- love has lost its sucker-punch impact that it use to have many years ago. yeah, sure- the first time your boyfriend says he loves you, it will take your breath away- but what does it mean to "love" someone?

americans have lost touch with the reality that is "love." we throw out words like "intimacy," "passion" and "crushing" without even realizing what they mean. if you are intimate with someone, it's not talking about sleeping with them. being intimate is pulling back each layer of you, until you're at the meaty flesh of your essence- exposing the real you in front of someone else. your every thought, dream, hope, fear, wish, memory--- good or bad, and praying like hell the other person doesn't run away screaming from the monster YOU think YOU are... that's intimacy. we've lost touch...

whatever happened to love letters? have they been replaced by technology? do we send love texts? let me tell you- sexting is RUINING love as we know it. when you sext, you're losing intimacy... intimacy is the key to a healthy, vital, successful relationship... every time you "sext" you're sending a piece of yourself, without an emotional attachment. yeah, it works out great during your twenties, when you're young and stupid; but after a while, you realize you've had nothing but countless hookups, and nothing to show for it, except a burning sensation when you pee.

we need to return to the emotional connection of "old school love"- i'm talking even older than our parents and grandparents. Beethoven once wrote a love letter to someone who he refered to as "his immortal beloved." wow. i think that beats the hell out of saying "my girlfriend." i'm not saying that we should return completely to the dark days or quit using technology, i'm simplying saying that we need to return to a time when the four letters that spell out l-o-v-e actually meant something.

my biggest problem with love in the modern world is how we seek to find it. we have a slue of reality tv shows that are simply crap, and creating a false sense of what it means to search for love. i didn't realize my hatred for these shows, until i read an article by a young woman who is doing an internship in jacksonville, florida. i have to admit, i love watching trashy reality tv shows- it's a guilty pleasure of mine, but i don't model my life around them. shows like "the bachelorette" are giving women false hopes. you do realize, reality isn't having 25 men compete to have you on his arm like a trophy, right? shows like "tough love" are a little bit better, but people shouldn't have to change themselves JUST to be in a relationship. finding someone is the easy part-- it's keeping it all together once you've found each other- that's the hard part.

here's my advice when it comes to finding love. it's quite simple, and hopefully it will help you out. you must complete each step in the order i give them to you...

step ONE: ask yourself a series of questions.
1. are you happy with who you are? - if you're not happy with you, by yourself, you're not going to happy with someone by your side. you need to discover what will make you happy, in your own skin- accomplish what needs to be done, make the necessary adjustments for YOU, and watching your confidence boost itself ten fold. you do NOT need a partner to make you happy! a partner should be a supplement to your happiness, NOT BE your happiness.

2. what are you looking for- love or a hook-up? - are you under 23? are you male? sorry- not dissing you fellas, but men who are under 23 tend to be looking for hook-ups and not LOVE. if you're looking for love, be looking for LOVE. do not meet girls at bars/clubs. women go to bars to meet men to buy them drinks and hook up with. yeah, sure, they might be fun- but are you going to put a ring on it? NO!

3. are you mature enough to have a relationship? are you looking for a catch and release? do you still eat paste/rubber cement? you need to be mature enough to be an adult. a relationship is for adults only- you need to have the maturity of one.

Step TWO: it's time to go shopping!
what happens when you go grocery shopping without a list of things you need? you spend way too much time in the grocery store, you spend too much money, you buy things you don't want or need, and if you're hungry, you buy everything that looks good. dating is just like grocery shopping. if you're ready to find someone with a meaningful emotional connection, you need to know what you want/need in a partner. my advice- make a list. a top ten list. think of it as your "shopping list"... numbers 1-5 need to be deal breakers- if they don't have this/do this- game over. 6-10--- uhhhhhh, we can work on it... this way, you don't spend too much time looking for the wrong people, too much money dating the wrong people, going after everything that looks appealing, or waste your time on people just like you've dated before... see- sounds a lot more like shopping than dating, right? another word of advice- don't set your top 10 too high- you don't want to be too picky. and like i said, only have 1-5 be deal breakers!

Step THREE: be confident/put yourself out there.
you are confident. someone is out there for you. you will find them. a wise woman once said "you gotta kiss a whole lot of frogs till you find your Prince"-- be patient. put yourself out there. join a club. the more people you meet, the more potiental you have. and you must be the one to put yourself out there. you're not in middle school- don't have your best friend go up to someone for you. no matter if you're looking for a man or woman- confidence is sexy. you have a lot to provide to someone, and you'll find someone to fit your style of a realtionship and personality. what works for one person will be different than what works for you... you're an individual- not a cookie cutter shape of someone else. be true to yourself.

Step FOUR: alright, now what?
you are confident, just go for it. DO NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH... just ask for the date! a first date should be durning the week (less pressure than during the weekend) and you need something that would allow you to talk and get to know each other. DO NOT CHOOSE A MOVIE! Dinner, coffee, a walk through the park, volunteer at a soup kitchen (that would be such a cute first date to me), a visit to a museum- they all envoke conversation to allow you to get to know one another. fellas- DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF. She's already said YES to the date- the hard part is over... *DO NOT GIVE FLOWERS FOR THE FIRST DATE*

Step FIVE: when is too soon?
if you want a meaningful realtionship- not just a hook up- DO NOT SLEEP TOGETHER ON THE FIRST DATE. i would even wait at least until date two or three to kiss. if you kiss on the first date, it might send the wrong impression. it also sends up a red flag that you are just like every other young man/woman in the world, and doesn't mind swapping spit. break the mold! prove that you'd rather have that "old school love" i was refering to earlier... a good rule of thumb- wait atleast 6 months till you do the deed- and then again, if you're not ready- DON'T!

we need to go back to the days of intimate relationships NOT just simple relations... keep your genes in your jeans, until you're sure this is a person you want to have an extreme emotional connection with. you might think it's old fashioned, but that's what we need!

ok. i think that does it for now. i'm working on another blog already-- i forgot how much i liked this... best of luck. ;)

till next time,

eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.

confessions part 1

i just realized, for this to be a "confession" of a college dieter, i'm not really confessing anything. let me fill you in on who i am.

i am a hopeless romantic
i am a college student
i don't believe in labels
i hate pairing socks when doing laundry
i am terrified of not being successful


my definition of successful is helping people
i am terrified of balloons
my favorite color is orange
i try not to live the same day twice
i want to change the world


i don't believe i'll ever fall in love
i hate snow
i wear flipflops year round
i love making other people happy
my favorite quote is tattooed around my ankle


i miss having my lip pierced
i'm addicted to trashy reality tv shows and glee

my momma is the strongest person i know
i can't wait to be a daddy
i'm not gay, and really wish everyone would stop assuming that i am

i think that does it for this round of confessions... more to come soon, i'm sure!

till next time,


eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.

the real definition of beauty...

experts estimate that there are over six billion people in the world!

thus we, as a human race, since no one is the EXACT same, have 6 billion different colors, sizes, shapes, personalities, handicaps, abilities, and so on and so on- you get my point. we are all different, in every way-- but we all do share a common link. we are all human and we are all beautiful.

someone needs to define beauty for me. some say it's six pack abs, other say it's obtaining a high volume of monetary means, some say it's being symmetrically proportional in personal features.

beauty in my mind- is individualistic. it's being you. it's being beautiful. it's being real, honest, raw, and with flaws. --- makes no sense, but it's true. if you have a brain, and can think your own thoughts, and make your own decisions, and know that you are an amazing person---you are beautiful-in every single way.

"i wish i was thinner" "but Matt, she/he is much skinnier and better looking than i am!" "he's built and has muscles"... blah, blah, blah... no excuses- no more. STOP. when are we going to learn that it's what inside that counts? a good laugh and intelligent conversation is SOOOOO much sexier than a 6 pack of abs.

who defines beauty? the fashion industry? our "modern day models?" honestly, are we going to judge what defines beauty from a person who's main job in life is to serve as a clothes hanger? all they are suppose to do is wear/sell clothes- thus they are a walking, talking, (and sometimes) thinking, glorified clothes hanger. don't get me wrong- i'm not dissing models or the fashion industry (i see myself possibly one day working for GQ), i'm just trying to make you realize that's not what defines beauty.

who else defines beauty? our peers? most like to say, or think, that our peers don't influence what how we feel about ourselves. most people also lie. how many times have you second guessed what you were wearing, because a friend said "oh, you're going out in that?" how many times have you thought you looked horrible, but you still asked your friend "do i look alright" just for reassurance? here's the thing you need to learn--- and it's a well kept secret- that everyone knows, but forget that they know... IF YOUR FRIENDS LOVE YOU FOR YOU, THEY WILL STILL BE YOUR FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

it's not about being thin. or being muscular. or being fit. it's about you. about being comfortable in your skin. about you knowing you have the best laugh in the room, or the brightest smile, or being the most willing to help someone else, or being the best person you can possibly be. do me a favor- inspire someone today. smile to every stranger you meet. make someones life easier. not only will you feel better about yourself, but you'll also be showing the world how beautiful you are...

i need you to know that you are beautiful. you are amazing. you control the power to change the world. one word must start every prayer, one step must start every journey, one person must start every movement. i'll be happy to be the one person who starts the "beautiful" movement. people around the world aren't told how beautiful they are as often as they need to hear it.

the bottom line is you are beautiful- both inside and out.

till next time,


eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.

labels

i recently heard a quote that really fits my current position in life: "most of what we are is what people expect us to be." well, i have an issue with this.


why do we let others run our lives? it starts out simple- we chose to do something or not to do something because others are around us, because we are afraid of what they would say, do or act. and, just like telling a lie, this is a snowball effect. before you can even realize what has happened, you're no longer yourself. you don't have your own thoughts, dreams, and goals. you become "one of them." a mindless, spineless creature that acts upon others thoughts to fit a label that doesn't belong to you. we all do it. we’re afraid of what others will think about us. we place too much power on the thoughts of others about of ourselves. the ONLY opinions that we should hold in respect is how we feel about ourselves. yes, friendships make the world a better, easier, and more enjoyable place to be, but our friendships shouldn’t be one way streets, and we certainly shouldn’t have to worry about what our friends will say behind our backs. or if our actions will be judged by our friends. this, my friend, isn’t a friendship at all. it’s an unhealthy relationship, and as a college dieter, i think we should always be focusing on the healthiest choices in our life.


or maybe your label does belong to you. maybe you decided to pick that label at first. but by interacting with others around you, you lose who you are, and become ONLY that label. for example, i know a young man who is, in his own words, "too gay to be straight, but too straight to be gay." he's been labeled as a gay man, but in reality- he's not. i firmly believe that people can't help who they fall in love with- who they are attracted to. he falls in love with people- no matter if they are a woman or man. by coming to college, and taking off the mask he wore all his life (to hide his sexuality) he started hanging around people in the lgbt community. by doing so, he shot himself in the foot. seriously. now, everyone only sees him as a gay man, without even considering his true feelings and attractions. he's judged by this false preconceived notion every day. people don't take the time to get to know him, especially when he's looking for good guy friends. heaven forbid, he wants a good group of guy friends, a solid core of best friends who are guys. would you deny his friendship because of his falsely conceived sexuality? think before you answer this question, gentlemen--- it’s happened before.

and what happens if a “friend” quits talking to you because of one of your labels? or if they are only your “friend” when their friends aren’t around? well, in that cause- i hate to break it to you- but you weren’t friends to begin with. --- but that’s a blog for another day! TRUST ME! it will come up again!

i have no problem being friends with anyone. any race, color, creed, sex, sexual orientation, gender, class, handicap, WHATEVER—they are all welcome in my book. we all have the same struggles, and we all bleed the same color- so what’s the big deal. i try not to judge, that’s not my job. treat me with respect, and i will do the same for you.

i guess the point i’m trying to make here is this--- be careful of the labels you have, whether you choose them or they have been involuntary bestowed upon you. and don’t believe the labels that others around you have. i hate labels. just like a hoe, never trust ‘em.

till next time,


eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.