one year ago today...

one year ago today-
i was in spartanburg, south carolina.
it was the saturday of fall break, and i was cheering at the appstate-wofford game.

one year ago today-
after returning from the game, i fell asleep on my couch in g1 of winkler hall.
i was watching the notebook.

one year ago today-
someone thought it would be a great idea to give an 18 year old a lot of alcohol.
that same 18 year old thought it would alright to drive a car.

that means-


one year ago from tomorrow-
that 18 year old killed one of my best friends.
God called Charlie home.

one year ago from tomorrow-
my whole world got flipped upside down.
the world lost the best hugs anyone could give.


it's amazing how things can change in 365 days. who knows who will be here tomorrow, next week, next month, next year... its been over a year since i've seen Charlie- and over a year since i've heard her laugh, or felt her embrace, or seen her smile.

the last time we saw each other- we went to cookout. we both had to stay late for break. it was just us and i remember our conversation like it was yesterday. we talked about the fraternity, my love life (or lack there of), and an issue she was having with someone else. she ordered, as she always did, a cherry-cheesecake milkshake, with extra cheesecake. after ordering, she told the drive-thru worker, "Yes, I know you have to charge me for extra cheesecake, that's perfectly fine" but yet they still said right after her, "Ma'am, thats an extra charge for extra cheesecake, is that ok?" she said yes- we got our food- and left.
we went back to her apartment, right next door to mine, and ate on her bed- the most comfortable place on the planet. in Charlie's bed, everything melted away- it was peace, it was comfort, it was pure bliss. she complained for half an hour about how they only put extra graham crackers in her milkshake and not cheesecake- until she'd hit a huge bite of cheesecake and say "oh, yeah- that was cheesecake... ummmmmm"

who would have known that hug when i left would be my last "Charlie Hug"? those who knew Charlie, know what a "Charlie Hug" is... the best hug you've ever had in your life. she valued hugs more than anything on this planet.

i guess what i'm trying to say here is- please- please- please--never take your friends for granted. you don't know if they will be here tomorrow. if you love them- tell them now. let your friends and loved ones know how you feel. i don't care if you are the manliest man of all the machos- still be able to say 'i love you' to your friends. what would you do if something happened to them? i would give up my right leg to see Charlie again and tell her how much i loved her.

please-please-please-please do not drink and drive. college students think that its alright to drink and drive- BUT ITS NOT. i would give anything to make sure no person ever feels the way i do now or the way i did when if found out i lost one of my best friends. my whole world flipped upside down. i didn't care about myself, my schoolwork, my job, my duties--- i was not in a good place. i was free falling down a slope- and no one could catch me.

bottom line is- if you drink and drive, you could harm yourself, someones sister, someones brother, someones mom or dad, a niece or nephew, or an aunt whose nephew will never have the chance to remember what an amazing young woman she was. don't be selfish. don't cause others pain- please, i beg of you.

it hurts. to know i'll never see her again.
i wouldn't ever wish this feeling on anyone.