there's a fine line between love and hate.

here we go again. 2010.

what a year. it's amazing how a year can change someone. making you stronger, faster, wittier, smarter or the exact opposite. a year of memories, firsts, and new beginnings with some repeat offenders.

there's a fine line between hate and love for this year. i hate who i've become- but love the direction i'm going in. i hate the mistakes we all made, but love the fact we've learned from them (hopefully.) i hate the fact that i'm addicted to facebook- but i love the fact that someone cares enough to text/call/or im me when i seem down. i hate the fact that i've let my grades slip- but i love my new major. i hate the fact that i've met someone who has changed my life by being completely honest and picking out my flaws- and i hate the fact that i hurt him- but love him for being honest. i hate the fact that i fell in love with my best friend- but i love the fact that i now realize, we are perfect as best friends- and wouldn't want to change that at all. (those are two separate people--- yeah, i know) i hate the fact that i'm dramatic- and over-react- and over-analyze. i hate the fact that i haven't been living for me and constantly putting others first. i hate that i feel like i can't talk to you because i feel like you don't want to be around me- but yet, i love our time together. i hate the fact that i walked out of that housing office today without tears coming down my face- leaving something that i once loved more than most.

so as you can see- 2010 has been a lot of hate, and a little bit of love. i think i've finally got this whole 'me' thing down- doesn't mean i like it- but i have a stronger understanding of it. and i'm cool with that. i have amazing friends (some quite unexpected), a very loving family (i couldn't ask for a better mom), and am ready to embrace the changes that need to be made. i'm changing all the hate. i'm changing all the regrets. i'm changing all the things i don't like FOR ME.

yes- in case you've been living under a rock, or blocked me from your mini-feed from facebook (which i totally don't blame you for- jeeze, i am so annoying on there), or just don't pay me any attention, i'm having surgery next year. i'm having the lap-band surgery. my final surgery consultation is january 7, and hopefully, surgery will be in early february. HUGE change number 1- healthy lifestyle.

change comes with a lot of excitement, and yet, it's ushered in with no short of consequences. relationships could be broken- but honestly, its for the better. relationships could be forged, and we just pray it's for the better. my social life will have to decrease- goodbye thursday at flipside and parties at the alpha sig house- my grades are a top priority; i'm not going to get into grad school on a 'c- honor roll.' i've made quite a few mistakes this past year- i just pray i'm smart enough not to make them again. it's time to quit dreaming, wake up, and grow up.

2011 looks promising. i pray, in 365 days, i'm blogging about how amazing my life is. that i've made the best decisions, and i've found where i'm suppose to be. gone are the days of over-analyzing and worrying, and being dramatic about everything. i need to learn to own the night- like the fourth of july. let me let you in on a little secret, that i have never told anyone before--- baby, i'm a firework- i'm one of the most amazing people you will ever met- and i'm not afraid to tell you that to your face anymore. i'm going to change the world. 2011 is going to be my year- the year of MATT. so many changes- so many self explorations, so many new experiences... lets do this. you're either going to stand beside me, cheering me on, or you're going to get left behind. i'm going to love me for once.

till next time,

eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.