reality bite... love stinks...

everyone seems to have love problems; it's a unique emotion. one of the only words i can think of that can be a noun, adjective, and verb at the same time. when defining love, one can use a variety of words, descriptions, and usages for a simple four lettered word that had lost its value in the american society. yes, you read that correctly- love has lost its sucker-punch impact that it use to have many years ago. yeah, sure- the first time your boyfriend says he loves you, it will take your breath away- but what does it mean to "love" someone?

americans have lost touch with the reality that is "love." we throw out words like "intimacy," "passion" and "crushing" without even realizing what they mean. if you are intimate with someone, it's not talking about sleeping with them. being intimate is pulling back each layer of you, until you're at the meaty flesh of your essence- exposing the real you in front of someone else. your every thought, dream, hope, fear, wish, memory--- good or bad, and praying like hell the other person doesn't run away screaming from the monster YOU think YOU are... that's intimacy. we've lost touch...

whatever happened to love letters? have they been replaced by technology? do we send love texts? let me tell you- sexting is RUINING love as we know it. when you sext, you're losing intimacy... intimacy is the key to a healthy, vital, successful relationship... every time you "sext" you're sending a piece of yourself, without an emotional attachment. yeah, it works out great during your twenties, when you're young and stupid; but after a while, you realize you've had nothing but countless hookups, and nothing to show for it, except a burning sensation when you pee.

we need to return to the emotional connection of "old school love"- i'm talking even older than our parents and grandparents. Beethoven once wrote a love letter to someone who he refered to as "his immortal beloved." wow. i think that beats the hell out of saying "my girlfriend." i'm not saying that we should return completely to the dark days or quit using technology, i'm simplying saying that we need to return to a time when the four letters that spell out l-o-v-e actually meant something.

my biggest problem with love in the modern world is how we seek to find it. we have a slue of reality tv shows that are simply crap, and creating a false sense of what it means to search for love. i didn't realize my hatred for these shows, until i read an article by a young woman who is doing an internship in jacksonville, florida. i have to admit, i love watching trashy reality tv shows- it's a guilty pleasure of mine, but i don't model my life around them. shows like "the bachelorette" are giving women false hopes. you do realize, reality isn't having 25 men compete to have you on his arm like a trophy, right? shows like "tough love" are a little bit better, but people shouldn't have to change themselves JUST to be in a relationship. finding someone is the easy part-- it's keeping it all together once you've found each other- that's the hard part.

here's my advice when it comes to finding love. it's quite simple, and hopefully it will help you out. you must complete each step in the order i give them to you...

step ONE: ask yourself a series of questions.
1. are you happy with who you are? - if you're not happy with you, by yourself, you're not going to happy with someone by your side. you need to discover what will make you happy, in your own skin- accomplish what needs to be done, make the necessary adjustments for YOU, and watching your confidence boost itself ten fold. you do NOT need a partner to make you happy! a partner should be a supplement to your happiness, NOT BE your happiness.

2. what are you looking for- love or a hook-up? - are you under 23? are you male? sorry- not dissing you fellas, but men who are under 23 tend to be looking for hook-ups and not LOVE. if you're looking for love, be looking for LOVE. do not meet girls at bars/clubs. women go to bars to meet men to buy them drinks and hook up with. yeah, sure, they might be fun- but are you going to put a ring on it? NO!

3. are you mature enough to have a relationship? are you looking for a catch and release? do you still eat paste/rubber cement? you need to be mature enough to be an adult. a relationship is for adults only- you need to have the maturity of one.

Step TWO: it's time to go shopping!
what happens when you go grocery shopping without a list of things you need? you spend way too much time in the grocery store, you spend too much money, you buy things you don't want or need, and if you're hungry, you buy everything that looks good. dating is just like grocery shopping. if you're ready to find someone with a meaningful emotional connection, you need to know what you want/need in a partner. my advice- make a list. a top ten list. think of it as your "shopping list"... numbers 1-5 need to be deal breakers- if they don't have this/do this- game over. 6-10--- uhhhhhh, we can work on it... this way, you don't spend too much time looking for the wrong people, too much money dating the wrong people, going after everything that looks appealing, or waste your time on people just like you've dated before... see- sounds a lot more like shopping than dating, right? another word of advice- don't set your top 10 too high- you don't want to be too picky. and like i said, only have 1-5 be deal breakers!

Step THREE: be confident/put yourself out there.
you are confident. someone is out there for you. you will find them. a wise woman once said "you gotta kiss a whole lot of frogs till you find your Prince"-- be patient. put yourself out there. join a club. the more people you meet, the more potiental you have. and you must be the one to put yourself out there. you're not in middle school- don't have your best friend go up to someone for you. no matter if you're looking for a man or woman- confidence is sexy. you have a lot to provide to someone, and you'll find someone to fit your style of a realtionship and personality. what works for one person will be different than what works for you... you're an individual- not a cookie cutter shape of someone else. be true to yourself.

Step FOUR: alright, now what?
you are confident, just go for it. DO NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSH... just ask for the date! a first date should be durning the week (less pressure than during the weekend) and you need something that would allow you to talk and get to know each other. DO NOT CHOOSE A MOVIE! Dinner, coffee, a walk through the park, volunteer at a soup kitchen (that would be such a cute first date to me), a visit to a museum- they all envoke conversation to allow you to get to know one another. fellas- DO NOT SECOND GUESS YOURSELF. She's already said YES to the date- the hard part is over... *DO NOT GIVE FLOWERS FOR THE FIRST DATE*

Step FIVE: when is too soon?
if you want a meaningful realtionship- not just a hook up- DO NOT SLEEP TOGETHER ON THE FIRST DATE. i would even wait at least until date two or three to kiss. if you kiss on the first date, it might send the wrong impression. it also sends up a red flag that you are just like every other young man/woman in the world, and doesn't mind swapping spit. break the mold! prove that you'd rather have that "old school love" i was refering to earlier... a good rule of thumb- wait atleast 6 months till you do the deed- and then again, if you're not ready- DON'T!

we need to go back to the days of intimate relationships NOT just simple relations... keep your genes in your jeans, until you're sure this is a person you want to have an extreme emotional connection with. you might think it's old fashioned, but that's what we need!

ok. i think that does it for now. i'm working on another blog already-- i forgot how much i liked this... best of luck. ;)

till next time,

eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.

confessions part 1

i just realized, for this to be a "confession" of a college dieter, i'm not really confessing anything. let me fill you in on who i am.

i am a hopeless romantic
i am a college student
i don't believe in labels
i hate pairing socks when doing laundry
i am terrified of not being successful


my definition of successful is helping people
i am terrified of balloons
my favorite color is orange
i try not to live the same day twice
i want to change the world


i don't believe i'll ever fall in love
i hate snow
i wear flipflops year round
i love making other people happy
my favorite quote is tattooed around my ankle


i miss having my lip pierced
i'm addicted to trashy reality tv shows and glee

my momma is the strongest person i know
i can't wait to be a daddy
i'm not gay, and really wish everyone would stop assuming that i am

i think that does it for this round of confessions... more to come soon, i'm sure!

till next time,


eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.

the real definition of beauty...

experts estimate that there are over six billion people in the world!

thus we, as a human race, since no one is the EXACT same, have 6 billion different colors, sizes, shapes, personalities, handicaps, abilities, and so on and so on- you get my point. we are all different, in every way-- but we all do share a common link. we are all human and we are all beautiful.

someone needs to define beauty for me. some say it's six pack abs, other say it's obtaining a high volume of monetary means, some say it's being symmetrically proportional in personal features.

beauty in my mind- is individualistic. it's being you. it's being beautiful. it's being real, honest, raw, and with flaws. --- makes no sense, but it's true. if you have a brain, and can think your own thoughts, and make your own decisions, and know that you are an amazing person---you are beautiful-in every single way.

"i wish i was thinner" "but Matt, she/he is much skinnier and better looking than i am!" "he's built and has muscles"... blah, blah, blah... no excuses- no more. STOP. when are we going to learn that it's what inside that counts? a good laugh and intelligent conversation is SOOOOO much sexier than a 6 pack of abs.

who defines beauty? the fashion industry? our "modern day models?" honestly, are we going to judge what defines beauty from a person who's main job in life is to serve as a clothes hanger? all they are suppose to do is wear/sell clothes- thus they are a walking, talking, (and sometimes) thinking, glorified clothes hanger. don't get me wrong- i'm not dissing models or the fashion industry (i see myself possibly one day working for GQ), i'm just trying to make you realize that's not what defines beauty.

who else defines beauty? our peers? most like to say, or think, that our peers don't influence what how we feel about ourselves. most people also lie. how many times have you second guessed what you were wearing, because a friend said "oh, you're going out in that?" how many times have you thought you looked horrible, but you still asked your friend "do i look alright" just for reassurance? here's the thing you need to learn--- and it's a well kept secret- that everyone knows, but forget that they know... IF YOUR FRIENDS LOVE YOU FOR YOU, THEY WILL STILL BE YOUR FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

it's not about being thin. or being muscular. or being fit. it's about you. about being comfortable in your skin. about you knowing you have the best laugh in the room, or the brightest smile, or being the most willing to help someone else, or being the best person you can possibly be. do me a favor- inspire someone today. smile to every stranger you meet. make someones life easier. not only will you feel better about yourself, but you'll also be showing the world how beautiful you are...

i need you to know that you are beautiful. you are amazing. you control the power to change the world. one word must start every prayer, one step must start every journey, one person must start every movement. i'll be happy to be the one person who starts the "beautiful" movement. people around the world aren't told how beautiful they are as often as they need to hear it.

the bottom line is you are beautiful- both inside and out.

till next time,


eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.

labels

i recently heard a quote that really fits my current position in life: "most of what we are is what people expect us to be." well, i have an issue with this.


why do we let others run our lives? it starts out simple- we chose to do something or not to do something because others are around us, because we are afraid of what they would say, do or act. and, just like telling a lie, this is a snowball effect. before you can even realize what has happened, you're no longer yourself. you don't have your own thoughts, dreams, and goals. you become "one of them." a mindless, spineless creature that acts upon others thoughts to fit a label that doesn't belong to you. we all do it. we’re afraid of what others will think about us. we place too much power on the thoughts of others about of ourselves. the ONLY opinions that we should hold in respect is how we feel about ourselves. yes, friendships make the world a better, easier, and more enjoyable place to be, but our friendships shouldn’t be one way streets, and we certainly shouldn’t have to worry about what our friends will say behind our backs. or if our actions will be judged by our friends. this, my friend, isn’t a friendship at all. it’s an unhealthy relationship, and as a college dieter, i think we should always be focusing on the healthiest choices in our life.


or maybe your label does belong to you. maybe you decided to pick that label at first. but by interacting with others around you, you lose who you are, and become ONLY that label. for example, i know a young man who is, in his own words, "too gay to be straight, but too straight to be gay." he's been labeled as a gay man, but in reality- he's not. i firmly believe that people can't help who they fall in love with- who they are attracted to. he falls in love with people- no matter if they are a woman or man. by coming to college, and taking off the mask he wore all his life (to hide his sexuality) he started hanging around people in the lgbt community. by doing so, he shot himself in the foot. seriously. now, everyone only sees him as a gay man, without even considering his true feelings and attractions. he's judged by this false preconceived notion every day. people don't take the time to get to know him, especially when he's looking for good guy friends. heaven forbid, he wants a good group of guy friends, a solid core of best friends who are guys. would you deny his friendship because of his falsely conceived sexuality? think before you answer this question, gentlemen--- it’s happened before.

and what happens if a “friend” quits talking to you because of one of your labels? or if they are only your “friend” when their friends aren’t around? well, in that cause- i hate to break it to you- but you weren’t friends to begin with. --- but that’s a blog for another day! TRUST ME! it will come up again!

i have no problem being friends with anyone. any race, color, creed, sex, sexual orientation, gender, class, handicap, WHATEVER—they are all welcome in my book. we all have the same struggles, and we all bleed the same color- so what’s the big deal. i try not to judge, that’s not my job. treat me with respect, and i will do the same for you.

i guess the point i’m trying to make here is this--- be careful of the labels you have, whether you choose them or they have been involuntary bestowed upon you. and don’t believe the labels that others around you have. i hate labels. just like a hoe, never trust ‘em.

till next time,


eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.

no use in crying...

i was always told as a child that there is no use in crying over spilt milk. what is in the past can't be changed, unless you somehow magically develop the ability to time travel, but you're only making your wife wait on you and you end up naked most of the time.

people change, constantly. the universe itself is always changing, forming, adapting, and you can't stop it. so what happens when two best friends start to change, but they change towards different directions. you find yourself either having to part ways, or work your ass off to adapt to each other. it's a two way street, so both need to place the same about of energy and time into repairing the rapid misfire of a broken relationship that once worked in perfect harmony. sometimes when you wish you could go back to when things seemed perfect, you have to reflect on why you're still friends- these changes are normal, and a right of passage in life. friendships are relationships that need to be evaluated at this time of change. are you friends with who they use to be? are you still friends with the "new" them? what happens if one choose to stay connected, and one chooses to drop the changed friend?

relationships change, it's a fact of life. but starting over, creating new friendships, developing new relationships, is a difficult task. many say that i make friends easily, but they are wrong. it takes a lot to be that funny, outgoing kid who always smiles. but recently, i've been placed in the above situation. it seems like some members of my closest friend circles are developing at a different pace and direction than me. some faster, some slower, but either speed or direction, i have found myself searching for a few new close friends. i've tried putting in the effort to amend those lost relationships, but i only end up getting crushed, and dissappointed. i need to grow thicker skin, develop a larger personal bubble, and not wear my heart on my sleeve so much. i like being the nice guy, but in ALL reality, the nice guys finish last.

so with the changing of the season, and the wind coming from a new direction, i've turned a new leaf. i'm no longer going to cry over you, spilt milk, and if you decide to change your mind, i may or maynot be there for you to run back to. instead i'll keep myself busy, and trying new things. i have a feeling this is going to be the most difficult, yet most rewarding year to come.

till next time,

eat your veggies! afterall, this is the confessions of a college dieter.